My most terrifying adventure to date
My fears? This. Sharing my life. Letting people "in". Wondering what people will think. Wondering if I have what it takes. Wondering if I have anything different to offer.
Last year, you might have seen this picture that my proud husband posted from my 29th Birthday.
Earlier in 2015 I felt a nagging, a tugging from the Lord to start a "blog". A what?!? Me?!? Nope, that is the polar opposite of who I am. You see, I like to keep my family and my life personal. Play it safe and keep my guard up has been my working motto for 29 years. I have lived my life being afraid to talk to people and afraid of what people think. I remember after high school I ran into a classmate and after we had been talking for awhile he said, "You know, I have really enjoyed talking to you. In school I always thought you were a snob." Ouch. That sure doesn't help in the people pleasing category.
After a lot of prayer and thought I had expressed this ridiculous blogging idea to my uber creative husband (like so creative he owns his own digital agency and creative is what they do) and I thought he would so politely put my silly idea to rest. That is actually what I was hoping anyway. Instead, he bought me my own Macbook Air.
Alright. Now what... I mean I can play around with the idea and come up with a million other reasons or excuses why this is completely out of the question. Let me share those reasons.
1. I just had my third child and "extra" time is not even in my vocabulary.
2. I just started homeschooling... with a newborn, and again I had no time to fit anything else into this crazy new world I was trying to figure out.
3. Again, SUPER personal. I like to keep to my personal bubble, and not ruffle any feathers because I TRULY love and respect my friends and acquaintances.
4. I am a type A introvert. In other words, I have already judged myself before any one else can — so if you have thought it, I guarantee I have as well. Did I mention being a perfectionist people pleaser? How is that for being vulnerable and putting my insecurities out there
5. There is absolutely nothing about me or my family that I could "blog" about that has not already been done. And nothing that I could even remotely try to do well.
There God. Validation completion.
To some, those may seem like legitimate reasons, but let's call it like it is.. lies from the enemy. Over and over the Lord brought this blog thing back to my mind and confirmed it in my heart. If I tried to give him my fears and anxieties, he took them away. If I tried to give him a time excuse, he multiplied my time. I tried to tell the Lord NO in big bold defiant ways... and he has been so kind and gentle with this super stubborn girl. I tried to give him a creative excuse, he narrowed down my focus and gave me words. If you are catching on to anything at this point, it may be my overwhelming level of anxiety and my hope is that you end up seeing the grace and peace God has shown me. Time and time again I have had to speak 2 Timothy 1:7 over my life, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of PEACE, love and sound mind!" (Emphasis added by me)
So, here it is, my 30th birthday. I am sharing my heart, my passions, my family and I truly hope it is well received. God has shown me such love and grace over my life, I feel like it would be a huge injustice to not share that with other people through sharing about my family. In this blog, which nobody HAS to read by the way, you will mostly find what has and has not worked on our homeschooling journey and a sprinkle or two of a couple of my passions such as clean eating and home projects.
I truly struggled with worrying about offending people and mentioning God too much, because again, I truly love and respect my family and friends who are not believers. I will never claim to be perfect and I am absolutely not a professional in the homeschooling world, but I am excited to share what we have learned and will continue to learn.
Hear me when I say, I hate making posts on Facebook, especially ones that might be anything related to "me" or "about me". So through this, if every adventure and homeschool thought does not point back to Christ, there is no point. My life is not about me and all these great things I think I can do, it is about Christ coming alive through me and enabling me to homeschool, to go on family adventures because of the leaps of faith and hard work that have gotten us this far, or the passions that He has instilled in my heart to hopefully encourage and engage my friends and family in a world that is too quick to put others down and cast judgement. Let us be for one another and encourage each other in this life. That is a life worth living.
Join me on this journey of being a #Happylittlemess. Not perfect, but living a life of grace over and over again and joyfully in the name of Christ. Please connect with me and feel free to share any thoughts, suggestions or questions!